Illinois: The Governor of Illinois is jogging with his dog along a nature trail.
A coyote jumps out and attacks the Governor’s dog, then bites the Governor.
1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie “Bambi”
and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.
2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures the coyote and
bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.
3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the
State $200 testing it for diseases.
4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $350.00 getting checked for
diseases from the coyote and getting his bite wound bandaged.
5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game
conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is now free of dangerous animals.
6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a “coyote
awareness program” for residents of the area.
7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat
rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.
8. The Governor’s security agent is fired for not stopping the attack.
The State spends $150,000 to hire and train a new agent with additional
special training re: the nature of coyotes.
9. PETA protests the coyote’s relocation and files a $5 million suit
against the State.
The Governor of Texas is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the dog.
1. The Governor shoots the coyote with his State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow
2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.
And that, my friends, is why Illinois is broke and Texas is not.