We are speechless,
Congress is clueless,
Our president is worthless,
I’m scared shitless.
At the end of the tax year, the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital.
While the IRS agent was checking the books, he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said,?”I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with the end of the roll when there’s too little left to be of any use?”
“Good question ,” noted the CFO. “We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every once in a while, they send us a free roll.”
“Oh,” replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.
But on he went, in his obnoxious way.?”What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what’s left over after setting a cast on a patient?” “Ah, yes,” replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. “We save it and send it back to the manufacturer and every so often they will send us a free bag of plaster.”
“I see,” replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. “Well,” he went on, “What do you do with all the foreskins left over from the circumcision surgeries?”
“Here, too, we do not waste,” answered the CFO. “What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the IRS office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.”
It’s been a little more than a year since Shirley died and someone is on his way to take the hospital bed out of our house. Nina and I are going to slowly offload things that we no longer use. I put it on Craigslist for $175, lowered it to $100, and lowered it to free. It went fast at free.
Craigslist is a strange place. I’ve been exploring it since I posted that ad and I have to say that it has its dark corners. Very dark. The range of things offered there is amazing. Very strange place. Dark.
I’m sure that there’s more stuff for Craigslist in our container that we could part with.
Yes, Erin returns today. As soon as she returns, we start breaking her of all the bad habits they allow and return her to the loving child that we adore. We also change her out of the horrid clothes that they put her in for the trip home. I sometimes wonder if they keep a normal set of clothes and a travel to San Jose set of clothes for her and just change her into the crap, just for us.
Nina and I will leave here early today so I can avoid the Oompa Loompa. I was home all of yesterday and she kept talking to me! Not only that, but she was telling tales of her other patients and the abuse they are subjected to and I’m sure that someday soon, Nina will be subjected to a tirade of how badly we are abusing HER! I pulled the Oompa Loompa to the kitchen and told her to stop talking about her other clients and stick to simple shit like the weather or the dogs. Dumb ass.
Erin is spending the night with us on New Year’s Eve. Tori “claims” she asked me and she “claims” I agreed to this. I don’t remember this ever happening. While I know it sounds like something I would agree to, I’d feel more comfortable with this Wednesday thing if I could remember agreeing to this. There’s always the possibility that Tori’s playing mind games with me, fully knowing that my memory is shit. Nina was not present at the time this “supposedly” happened, so I have no fall back to fight Tori with.
Wow, another Asian airliner disappears. I’m thinking of canceling my planned trip to North Korea until these accidents quit happening. That little dictator can just go without my sparkling wit for another year.
Erin gave me a Sponge Bob figure to put in the aquarium some time back. At first he kept getting knocked down, but now it appears that he’s moving around the tank. I just noticed that he’s in a different position now than he was yesterday. Either the figure is haunted or the fish are screwing with me.
I had such a great time this year for Christmas, which we celebrated on the 24th as usual. Erin got the most for Christmas, I got the least. Someone please explain to why the littlest gets the most and the largest gets the least? Doesn’t seem right, right?
John got here just now. Gotta like a guy that gets here early for his shift every single day! Twice late and I ripped him, never been late since then. Good guy John is.
Christmas Day was just another day. Duller than usual since all TV was Christmas shows, all of which I’ve seem many times in the past. January 2 life returns to normal. S.S.D.D.
Well, I need to leave home again today. Gina, John’s mom, is caring for ML today. I’ve written about her before, so no sense repeating it. Jeannie wondered why she got a smaller bonus this year. Being late and more days off than in the past. Want more days off? Quit. Jeannie should be the one that’s here today to care for ML. Her son is here from Alaska and she’d rather stay home to be with him. Jesus, of course, would rather spend time with his friends and his girlfriend. Martin, Jeannie’s husband, told me they have seen very little of Jesus this trip.
ML was surprised that Christmas was here and she was happy with her gifts. Seeing her smile is a horrifying thing to experience on any day, but seeing it while celebrating Christmas was just wrong. Think of Satan with white hair instead of horns, leering at a dead puppy while sitting in a wheelchair.
Keith, she still talks about how you saved the day in Norridge when you fixed her wheelchair. The story changes with each telling. Such a nice boy you are.