• Attend at your own risk. 11:30 in the restaurant, not the bar this time. Quieter in the restaurant.
• Joe, Dennis and myself are all going to be there. Michael, it’s not advised that you attend and if you do, be prepared to both buy AND be abused.
• So Erin and I went to DQ yesterday after lunch. Ice cream cones dipped in chocolate is definitely a good thing!
• That kid is more aware of her mom’s life than Tori thinks. She and I were leaving the property when Brian, a friend of the Andy & Tori, drives into the place. Erin tells me “That’s Brian. He likes Mommy and I think Mommy’s going to start dating him.” Me: “What do you think of all this?” Her: “I just want Mommy to be happy. She’s so sad lately.” Me: “Do you like him?” Her: “I don’t know yet, but I think Mommy likes him.”
• Wise beyond her years. (Erin, not Tori.)
• I know that last part was not needed, but this blog is here to amuse me too ya know.
• Beautiful day here today. Wind predicted later today, but it’s not supposed to be bad.
• My new lights are supposed to arrive today and I plan on installing them tomorrow or Friday. Tomorrow is filling up fast so it may be Friday.
• Erin and Tori are getting haircuts today. Nina’s getting her shot today and then heads to Sam’s Club.
• I posted a political statement on FB yesterday and it caused a minor shit storm among some friends there. I did this all the while forgetting my personal rule #1 on the internet. “I WILL NOT DISCUSS POLITICS ON THE INTERWEBZ.” It’s a fool’s errand talking politics on the net. After things quieted down, I deleted the posting and will remember rule # 1.

httpv://youtu.be/YfJm1qcOlzk

• We did the banking yesterday. No problem.
• I have an 11:00 meet with Dennis to diagnose the pole light problem. No problem in theory.
• I am doing some prep work for when Dennis gets here. Problem arises suddenly.
• John, a.k.a. Buddha, calls out telling me that someone drove away with the hose from pump #2. Heading south I was told.
• I set all the tools that I was gathering for the electrical work down and run to my Jeep.
• I hit the interstate and floor it. The top speed of this Jeep is 100 m.p.h. Try as I may, I can go no faster.
• I’m heading south at 100 m.p.h. and it dawns on me, I have no idea what type of vehicle is dragging my gas hose down the highway.
• Called Buddha and was told it was an old Winnebago. Damned campers!
• Still cruising at 100 m.p.h. and passing everything on the road like they’re parked.
• Ten miles down the road and still no Winnebago.
• Finally caught up  with the Winnebago and flagged “him” down on the interstate.
• Out steps a 6’2″, sixty year old transexual. “She” started crying on the side of the road when “she” realized what was done.
• I took all the cash he/she had on him/her and gave him/her my card to contact me in the next 3 days about paying the rest of this off as soon as possible.
• I took a picture of the D.L. and R.V. for reference in case I have to file a report and press charges.

Go ahead and tell me that this type of shit happens to you! I dare you! I swear that I must be living on some sort of alternate plane that exists just a shade off of the normal plane that the rest of you inhabit.

• I got the hose replaced. I keep one or two on hand because hoses being ripped off is not uncommon.
• I also keep the breakaway connectors on hand for the same reason.
• Dennis has diagnosed the problem and I ordered the parts I need for the light repair.
• They’ll be here in 2 days. Thank you Amazon Prime.
• Thank you Dennis too. You’re always there to help and I really appreciate your friendship.
• Sitting in the store with Dennis after all of this shit happens, a state cop walks in to the store looking all serious and stuff. He’s looking for me.
• OK, I was driving 100 m.p.h. for some 14 miles or so and someone may have complained to the cops via cell phone. I’m sure I can talk my way out of this.
• He wasn’t here about my driving. He was looking for me. He was working a check fraud case.
• Whew.
• We weren’t the victims this time, our newish check cashing policies saved the day in this case, but the bar across the interstate wasn’t so lucky.
• Alex got hit for about $800 by this team that worked the area.
• Sometimes being a bastard pays off in spades.
• I was able to identify the female of the check kiters, but they had no picture of the guy.

You’ll love this video!

httpv://youtu.be/mpoiSD-bjP0

From Autoguide.com

Well, Marylou sure screwed up our day off. Her complaints of chest pains and difficulty breathing left me excited and Nina angered. Nina saw from the beginning that she was faking. I gotta give her some props, for all the shit that gets tossed her way, she still treats that old bat with a ton of respect. I think she’ll explode sometime in late May. Can’t keep it in that long without some form of explosion happening eventually.

The doctors at St. Victim’s Hospital and Bingo Parlor told Nina that ML was healthy as a horse. The predicted diagnosis of dehydration and malnourishment never were mentioned and that kinda shocked us. We thought she was trying to starve herself to Valhalla to be with her ancestors but she’s fine.

After all was said and done, ML gave Nina permission to wear her grandmother’s rings. I’m going to stop with this amazing offer before I tread on some sacred ground that Nina would rather not see here. Better safe than sorry.

Since she missed her nap yesterday, she went to bed early. Of course she also woke up around 9 p.m. and Nina had to change her and get her some milk. Nina, can I have you bring me milk in bed too? Please?

Didn’t think so.

Other Stuff

The light above the gas pumps went out this weekend. What a pain in the ass this will be to fix.

Texting and driving will be against the law starting July 1st. It’s about time! Stupid practice. I wish to remind my kids that since my name is on your vehicles, I would be very upset if you get caught texting and driving.  <menacing look>VERY UPSET</menacing look> (That’s code for all you normal people.

Since it’s Monday, banking and breakfast is on the agenda for this morning. I plan on napping this afternoon while Nina does the store shopping. For those of you that wonder why I don’t do or help with the store shopping, I can answer that question. We can get all the stuff that Nina gets at Walmart and most of the stuff from Sam’s Club, delivered by Coremark. Nina just love to shop so much that she won’t let us order this stuff from Coremark. Shopping is in her blood and she won’t let me order up a transfusion.

New Mexico is facing shortage of medical pot and that got me to thinking about starting to grow pot, for medicinal purposes only of course, but then they added a foul, vile, dirty word to the mix. NON-PROFIT! Why the Hell would anyone want to grow ANYTHING for zero profit? Stupid pols.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC.
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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
— Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Ya know, I posted this to my blog and out of habit I reread the posting for errors and I found a butt load of them. This posting had more typos than any other that I’ve posted here. The present hat typed this out needs to be added to the above list. My mom sent this to me, but I know she didn’t type it out.