{"id":11648,"date":"2017-02-27T06:23:01","date_gmt":"2017-02-27T13:23:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/?p=11648"},"modified":"2017-02-27T06:23:01","modified_gmt":"2017-02-27T13:23:01","slug":"senior-jokes-from-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/?p=11648","title":{"rendered":"Senior Jokes from Mom"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n
Why<\/u><\/strong>\u00a0<\/u>I<\/u><\/strong>\u00a0<\/u>Like Retirement !<\/u><\/strong>
\n<\/u>
\nQuestion:<\/strong>\u00a0How many days in a week?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a06 Saturdays, 1\u00a0Sunday<\/span><\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0When is a retiree’s bedtime?
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0How many retirees to change a light bulb?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0Only one, but it might take all day.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0There is not enough time to get everything done.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0The term comes with a 10% discount.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0Tied shoes.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0Why do retirees count pennies?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0They are the only ones who have the time.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0NUTS!<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?\u00a0
\nAns wer:<\/strong>\u00a0They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0What do retirees call a long lunch?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0Normal.<\/p>\n

Question<\/strong>:<\/strong>\u00a0What is the best way to describe retirement?
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0The never ending Coffee Break.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.<\/p>\n

Question:<\/strong>\u00a0Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0He is too polite to tell the whole truth.<\/p>\n

And, my very favorite….\u00a0
\nQUESTION:<\/strong>\u00a0What do you do all week?\u00a0
\nAnswer:<\/strong>\u00a0Monday<\/span>\u00a0to\u00a0Friday<\/span>, NOTHING.\u00a0Saturday<\/span>\u00a0&\u00a0Sunday<\/span>, I rest.<\/p>\n

SERENITY<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
\nJust before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
\n‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied….
\n‘Two years older than me’
\n‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
\nShe responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\nReporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
\n‘And what do you think is the best thing
\nAbout being 104?’ the reporter asked…
\nShe simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\nThe nice thing about being senile is
\nYou can hide your own Easter eggs<\/p>\n

And have fun finding them.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\nI’ve sure got old!
\nI’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate<\/p>\n

Cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind,
\nCan’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
\nTake 40 different medications that
\nMake me dizzy, winded, and subject to
\nBlackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
\nHave poor circulation; hardly feel my<\/p>\n

Hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember<\/p>\n

If I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.<\/p>\n

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s licence.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\nI feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to
\nJoin a fitness club and start exercising.
\nI decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
\nI bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and<\/p>\n

Down, and perspired for an hour. But,
\nBy the time I\u00a0got my leotards on,
\nThe class was over<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\nMy memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
\nAlso, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\nKnow how to prevent sagging?
\nJust eat till the wrinkles fill out.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
\nIt’s scary when you start making the same<\/p>\n

Noises as your coffee maker.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\nThese days about half the stuff\u00a0in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n

\n<\/strong>THE SENILITY PRAYER :<\/strong>
\nGrant me the senility to forget the people
\nI never liked anyway, the good fortune<\/p>\n

To run into the ones I do, and the<\/p>\n

Eyesight to tell the\u00a0difference.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

 <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why\u00a0I\u00a0Like Retirement ! Question:\u00a0How many days in a week?\u00a0 Answer:\u00a06 Saturdays, 1\u00a0Sunday Question:\u00a0When is a retiree’s bedtime? Answer:\u00a0Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question:\u00a0How many retirees to change a light bulb?\u00a0 Answer:\u00a0Only one, but it might take all day. Question:\u00a0What’s the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer:\u00a0There is not enough time to get … Continue reading Senior Jokes from Mom<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11648"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11648"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11648\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11653,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11648\/revisions\/11653"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11648"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11648"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11648"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}