An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report that\u00a0his car has been broken into.\u00a0He is\u00a0hysterical as he explains his situation to the\u00a0dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the stereo,\u00a0the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the\u00a0accelerator!” he cried The dispatcher\u00a0said, “Stay calm.. An officer is on the\u00a0way.” A few minutes\u00a0later, the officer radios in “Disregard.” he\u00a0says.”He got in\u00a0the back-seat by mistake.”
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\nThree\u00a0sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house\u00a0together.One night the\u00a096-year-old draws a bath.She puts her\u00a0foot in and pauses.She yells to the\u00a0other sisters, ‘Was I getting in or out of the\u00a0bath?’The 94 year old\u00a0yells back, ‘I don’t know.I’ll come up\u00a0and see.’She starts up\u00a0the stairs and pauses ‘Was I going up the stairs or\u00a0down? The 92-year-old\u00a0is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her\u00a0sisters, she shakes her head and says, ‘I sure hope I\u00a0never get that forgetful, knock on\u00a0wood…’ She then yells,\u00a0‘I’ll come up and help both of you as soon as I see\u00a0who’s at the door.’
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\n‘I CAN\u00a0HEAR JUST FINE!’
\nThree retirees, each with\u00a0a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March\u00a0day.One remarked to\u00a0the other, ‘Windy, isn’t\u00a0it?’ ‘No,’\u00a0the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ And the third\u00a0man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer’
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\nA little old\u00a0lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing\u00a0home. As she walked,\u00a0she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say\u00a0‘Supersex.’ She walked up to\u00a0an elderly man in a wheelchair..Flipping her\u00a0gown at him, she said,\u00a0‘Supersex…’ He sat silently\u00a0for a moment or two and finally answered, ‘I’ll take\u00a0the soup.’
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\n> Two elderly\u00a0gentlemen had been friends for many\u00a0decades.Over the years,\u00a0they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their\u00a0activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to\u00a0play cards. One day, they\u00a0were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,\u00a0‘Now don’t get mad at me ….I know we’ve\u00a0been friends for a long time, but I just can’t think of\u00a0\u00a0your name! I’ve thought\u00a0and thought, but I can’t remember it.Please tell me\u00a0what your name is.. His friend\u00a0stared at him for at least three minutes — he just stared\u00a0and stared at him. Finally he said,\u00a0‘How soon do you need to know?’
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\nAs a senior\u00a0citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone\u00a0rang.Answering, he\u00a0heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him,\u00a0‘Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car\u00a0going the wrong way on Interstate\u00a077. Please be\u00a0careful! ”Heck,’\u00a0said Herman, ‘It’s not just one\u00a0car.It’s\u00a0hundreds of them!’
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\nTwo elderly\u00a0women were out driving in a large car – both could barely\u00a0see over the dashboard.As they were\u00a0\u00a0cruising along, they came to an\u00a0intersection.The stoplight\u00a0was red, but they just went on through.The woman in the\u00a0passenger seat thought to herself ‘I must be losing\u00a0it. I could\u00a0have sworn we just went through a red\u00a0light.’After a few more\u00a0minutes, they came to another intersection and the\u00a0light was red. Again, they went\u00a0right through.The woman in the\u00a0passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been\u00a0red but was really concerned that she was losing\u00a0it.\u00a0She was getting\u00a0nervous. At the next\u00a0intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went\u00a0on through.So, she turned\u00a0to the other woman and said, ‘Mildred, did you know that\u00a0we just ran through three red lights in a\u00a0row?You could have\u00a0killed us both!’ Mildred turned\u00a0to her and said, ‘Oh, crap, am I\u00a0driving?’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
An elderly Floridian called 911 on his cell phone to report that\u00a0his car has been broken into.\u00a0He is\u00a0hysterical as he explains his situation to the\u00a0dispatcher. “They’ve stolen the stereo,\u00a0the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the\u00a0accelerator!” he cried The dispatcher\u00a0said, “Stay calm.. An officer is on the\u00a0way.” A few minutes\u00a0later, the officer radios in … Continue reading TELL ME THIS WON’T HAPPEN TO US!–These are absolute MUST reading!!!<\/span>