TWO COWS ~Matthias Varga<\/p>\n
SOCIALISM
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nYou give one to your neighbour<\/p>\n
COMMUNISM
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and gives you some milk<\/p>\n
FASCISM
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and sells you some milk<\/p>\n
NAZISM
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both and shoots you<\/p>\n
BUREAUCRATISM
\nYou have 2 cows.
\nThe State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
\nthrows the milk away<\/p>\n
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell one and buy a bull.
\nYour herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
\nYou sell them and retire on the income<\/p>\n
ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt\/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
\nThe milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
\nThe annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.
\nThe public then buys your bull.<\/p>\n
SURREALISM
\nYou have two giraffes.
\nThe government requires you to take harmonica lessons.<\/p>\n
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
\nLater, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.<\/p>\n
A GREEK CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
\ndairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
\nYou still only have two cows.<\/p>\n
A FRENCH CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.<\/p>\n
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
\nYou then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.<\/p>\n
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows,
\nbut you don’t know where they are.
\nYou decide to have lunch.<\/p>\n
A SWISS CORPORATION
\nYou have 5000 cows.
\nNone of them belong to you.
\nYou charge the owners for storing them.<\/p>\n
A CHINESE CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou have 300 people milking them.
\nYou claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
\nYou arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.<\/p>\n
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nYou worship them.<\/p>\n
A BRITISH CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nBoth are mad.<\/p>\n
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
\nEveryone thinks you have lots of cows.
\nYou tell them that you have none.
\nNo-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
\nYou still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.<\/p>\n
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nBusiness seems pretty good.
\nYou close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.<\/p>\n
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
\nYou have two cows.
\nThe one on the left looks very attractive…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
TWO COWS ~Matthias Varga SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you … Continue reading TWO COWS<\/span>