{"id":9447,"date":"2015-12-04T08:22:20","date_gmt":"2015-12-04T15:22:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/?p=9447"},"modified":"2015-12-04T08:22:20","modified_gmt":"2015-12-04T15:22:20","slug":"in-the-spirit-for-the-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/?p=9447","title":{"rendered":"IN THE SPIRIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS……"},"content":{"rendered":"\n\n\n
Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director<\/p>\n

TO:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All Employees<\/p>\n

DATE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 November 30, 2015<\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gala Christmas Party<\/p>\n

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at\u00a0noon<\/span>\u00a0in the private function room at the Grill House.<\/p>\n

There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!\u00a0 We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols… feel free to sing along.\u00a0 And don’t be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus!<\/p>\n

A Christmas tree will be lit at\u00a01:00 PM<\/span>.\u00a0 Exchanges of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pockets.<\/p>\n

This gathering is only for employees!<\/p>\n

Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!<\/p>\n

Merry Christmas to you and your family,<\/p>\n

Patty<\/p>\n

Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director<\/p>\n

TO:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All Employees<\/p>\n

DATE: \u00a0 \u00a0December 1, 2015<\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gala\u00a0 Holiday\u00a0 Party<\/p>\n

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.\u00a0 We recognize that\u00a0 Hanukkah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.<\/p>\n

However, from now on,\u00a0 we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”\u00a0 The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians and to those still celebrating Reconciliation Day.<\/p>\n

There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols will be sung.<\/p>\n

We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.<\/p>\n

Happy now?<\/p>\n

Happy Holidays to you and your family,<\/p>\n

Patty<\/p>\n

Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director<\/p>\n

TO:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All Employees<\/p>\n

DATE: \u00a0 December 3, 2015<\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Holiday\u00a0 Party<\/p>\n

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name…<\/p>\n

I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that\u00a0 reads, “AA Only”, you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore.\u00a0 How am I supposed to handle this?<\/p>\n

Somebody?<\/p>\n

And sorry, but forget about the gift exchange, no gifts are allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and the executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.<\/p>\n

REMEMBER: NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.<\/p>\n

Patty<\/p>\n

Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director<\/p>\n

To:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All Employees<\/p>\n

DATE: \u00a0December \u00a04, 2015<\/span><\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Generic\u00a0 Holiday\u00a0 Party<\/p>\n

What a diverse group we are!\u00a0 I had no idea that December 20thbegins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours.<\/p>\n

There goes the party!\u00a0 Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs.\u00a0 Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy.\u00a0 Will that work?<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet, and pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms.<\/p>\n

Gays are allowed to sit with each other.\u00a0 Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay men, each group will have their own table.<\/p>\n

Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men’s table.<\/p>\n

To the person asking permission to cross dress, the Grill House asks that no cross-dressing be allowed, apparently because of concerns about confusion in the restrooms.\u00a0 Sorry.<\/p>\n

We will have booster seats for short people.<\/p>\n

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet.<\/p>\n

I am sorry to report that we cannot control the amount of salt used in the food .\u00a0 The Grill House suggests that people with high blood pressure taste a bite first.<\/p>\n

There will be fresh “low sugar” fruits as dessert for diabetics, but the restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts. Sorry!<\/p>\n

Did I miss anything?!?!?<\/p>\n

Patty<\/p>\n

Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director<\/p>\n

TO:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All F*%^ing Employees<\/p>\n

DATE: \u00a0\u00a0December 7, 2015<\/span><\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The F*%^ing Holiday Party<\/p>\n

I’ve had it with you vegetarian pricks!!!\u00a0 We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it, and you’ll get your f*%^ing salad bar, including organic tomatoes.<\/p>\n

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too.\u00a0 They scream when you slice them.\u00a0 I’ve heard them scream.\u00a0 I’m hearing them scream right NOW!<\/p>\n

The rest of you f*%^ing wierdos can kiss my *ss.\u00a0 I hope you all have a rotten holiday!<\/p>\n

Drive drunk and die,<\/p>\n

The B*tch from H*ll!!!<\/p>\n

Company Memo<\/strong><\/p>\n

FROM:\u00a0 Joan Bishop,\u00a0Acting Human Resources Director<\/strong><\/p>\n

DATE: \u00a0\u00a0December \u00a011, 2015<\/span><\/p>\n

RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis and\u00a0 Holiday\u00a0 Party<\/p>\n

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her recent nervous breakdown and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her at the asylum.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd\u00a0off with full pay.<\/p>\n

Happy Whatever!<\/p>\n

\u200bMERRY CHRISTMAS\u200b TO ALL !<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Company Memo FROM:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 All Employees DATE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 November 30, 2015 RE:\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gala Christmas Party I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at\u00a0noon\u00a0in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!\u00a0 … Continue reading IN THE SPIRIT FOR THE HOLIDAYS……<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9447"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9447"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9447\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9448,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9447\/revisions\/9448"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/the-glen-blog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}