LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVORITE!!!!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
~~~
Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter, asked Larry ‘Giving up?’
~~~
The math teacher saw that Larry wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Larry quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
~~~
Larry’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’ Larry asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? ”
~~~
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ….. ‘

I was hoping to be there with you, but it wasn’t meant to be this year. Stupid weather!

The old fellow in the cowboy hat got a standing ovation.

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a “more humane” solution to this issue.

What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.

This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service .

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said:

“Son, I don’t think you understand our problem here… these coyotes ain’t mating with our sheep… they’re eatin’ them!”

The meeting never really got back to order.

***

This is one time our elected leaders should pay attention to the advice of Vladimir Putin…. How scary is that?
On August 04, 2013, Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, addressed the Duma, (Russian Parliament), and gave a speech about the tensions with minorities in Russia:
“In Russia live like Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it wants to live in Russia, to work and eat in Russia, should speak Russian, and should respect the Russian laws. If they prefer Sharia Law, and live the life of Muslim’s then we advise them to go to those places where that’s the state law. Russia does not need Muslim minorities. Minorities need Russia, and we will not grant them special privileges, or try to change our laws to fit their desires, no matter how loud they yell ‘discrimination’. We will not tolerate disrespect of our Russian culture. We had better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland and France, if we are to survive as a nation. The Muslims are taking over those countries and they will not take over Russia. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of Sharia Law and Muslims. When this honorable legislative body thinks of creating new laws, it should have in mind the Russian national interest first, observing that the Muslims Minorities Are Not Russians.
The politicians in the Duma gave Putin a five minute standing ovation.

If you keep this to yourself, you are part of the problem!
It is a sad day when a Communist makes more sense than our President Barack Hussein Obama…….. but here it is!!!!

• February seemed to scream by, except for the last 2 days.
• Our June trip is now a September trip. Don’t ask.
• I hope to get a trip to Moab or Ouray for some wheeling this spring or summer.
• I also hope to get to Holland Michigan this summer with Erin.
• Still looking at motorcycles, but I’m still one the fence.
• It would be nice to go riding with Dennis, but . . .
• We had rain the night before last, but just a trace amount.
• Corruption at APD? Tazers? Jobs? Funny?
• I talked to Catherine and Nan yesterday. It was nice. I always enjoy talking to each of them.
• I’m glad the olympics is over. Waste of time.
• NM politics is my next annoyance.

httpv://youtu.be/_5ZwbDj7sQM

Well, my plans for a trip to Chicago have changed. With the horrid weather in the midwest I decided to pass on spending Mom’s b’day with her. When things calm down out there I’ll head out and visit her then.

Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road, and a limo driving late at night, hits it head-on and the car comes to a stop.

The woman in the back seat – in her usual abrasive manner, says to the chauffeur, “You get out and check on that poor cow. You were driving.”

So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead, but it appeared to be very old.

Well, says the woman, “You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there.”

Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally inebriated, a full belly, his hair ruffled, and a big grin on his face. “My God, what happened to you?” asks the woman.

The chauffeur replies, “When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt scotch, the wife gave me a meal fit for a king, and the daughter made love to me.”

“What on earth did you say?” asks the woman.

Well, I just knocked on the door, and when it opened, I said to them, “I’m Nancy Pelosi’s chauffeur, and I’ve just killed the old cow.”

Don’t You just love a story with a happy ending!

This has to be my all time favorite sketch from TV.

httpv://youtu.be/Q9T8i4FkNVo

More Time Conway

httpv://youtu.be/3qqE_WmagjY

httpv://youtu.be/QCz8he36hsk