Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the  elderly widow and asked,  How old was your husband?’
 ’98,’ she replied. ‘Two years older than me’  
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’ she responded

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
 About being 104?’ the reporter asked.
 She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure…’

I’ve sure gotten old!   
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, 
New knees, and fought prostate cancer 
I’m half blind, 
Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 
Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92. 
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape so I got my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors,  I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But….. by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.

It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

 Grant me the senility to forget the people  I never liked anyway, 

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and 

The eyesight to tell the difference.

Always Remember This:
You don’t stop laughing because you grow old, 
You grow old because you stop laughing!!

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