1. While working at Best Buy, a woman came in complaining that her iPod had a virus. I turn it on and it appears to be working fine. She says it only shows up when she connects it to her PC, so I hook it up to our machine. Once connected, the “Do not disconnect” message appears, complete with red “no” symbol. She says excitedly, “There! That’s the virus! What does that mean?”
2. Nothing is more amusing than listening to an IHOP waiter try to explain to a customer why they can’t order “Never Ending Pancakes” to go. Unless you’re that waiter, of course.
3. While working at a book store, a customer came up and asked if we sold the Bible.
“Yes, we do. Which version would you like?”
“The Bible.” “Yes, I understand, which version?”
“The one Jesus wrote.”
4. I was working at a fast food restaurant when a customer came in asking for a cheeseburger, medium fry, and medium drink. I said “Ok, I’ll ring you up for a #1 combo meal.” This angered the lady, who told me that she didn’t want the combo meal, just a cheeseburger, a medium fry, and a medium drink. I told her that it would be the same order but that it would save her money. She got even more furious with me so I politely punched in the items separately.
5. I received this call while working at Starbucks.
“Thank you for calling Starbucks, this is Jeff, how can I help you?”
“Yes, where are you located?”
“We’re at the corner of Main and Magnolia.”
“And where is that?”
“Do you know where Main Street is?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know where Magnolia Avenue is?”
“Yes.”
“That’s where we are.”
“Well, I’m standing at that intersection and I can’t find your store. Is it underground or something?”
I look outside and see a woman who looks lost. “Ma’am, turn to your left.” I start waving. “Do you see a man in a green apron waving at you?”
“Yes.”
“That man is inside a Starbucks. Go there.”
“That’s not Starbucks. That’s Quizno’s.”
“Ma’am, I’m very confident I’m in a Starbucks right now.”
“You’re not very helpful.”
6. A lady called in to tell me her computer had been taken over by the Matrix. I asked her to move her mouse. “Oh my god! It’s back to normal! How did you do that?” “Ma’am, I’m guessing someone installed a Matrix screensaver on your computer. Anything else I can help you with today?”
7. At a clothing store, a customer asked me, “If these t-shirts are buy one get one free, why can’t I just have the free one?”
8. I once had a customer bring back a laptop she bought the day before claiming it was broken. She said it wouldn’t open. I asked her if it was an issue with Windows or if there was a program that wasn’t loading. She said the laptop itself wouldn’t physically open. I took the laptop out of the box, opened it, and looked at her. Her mouth fell open and she said, “Ohhh, it opens on that side! My sister and I tried for an hour to open it up last night and we couldn’t.” They had been trying to open it from the hinge side.
9. While working at a Disney theme park, I got asked what time the three o’clock parade started. I had to answer with that famous Disney smile.
10. At RadioShack, I had a lady come in and ask for a radio capable of getting broadcasts from the Middle East. After I showed her a few, she purchased one and asked me to help her tune it. I found some stations from various Middle Eastern sources and tuned them for her as she stood there with this puzzled look on her face. When I asked her what was wrong, she looked at me with this seriously grim expression and asked, “How am I supposed to track terrorists if they don’t speak American?”
11. One time, a customer asked me how much it would cost to have the Plasma truck come out and refill his Plasma TV.
12. Not a customer, but a client, taped an Ethernet cable to the window, thinking it would give them better Wi-Fi reception.
13. At a Canadian Tire, someone tried to return a flashlight to the customer service desk, claiming it wouldn’t light up. I looked down at the flashlight. It was a hose nozzle.
14. When working Windows 98 tech support, I was asked by an older man, “What time does the Internet close?” I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t come up with a witty response.
15. I was at a snack bar for my pool one summer and a woman asked me what end of a hot dog you are supposed to look through.
16. Working at a sandwich shop, a customer asked me, “I’m not that hungry, which is bigger? The half sandwich or he whole sandwich?”
17. A customer once told me they felt bad when they returned a DVD and forgot to rewind it.
