PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCES SALE OF CALIFORNIA TO MEXICO

WASHINGTON (AP) – at 12:15pm today President Trump disclosed that he has reached an agreement with Enrique Pena Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the State of California to the country of Mexico. President Trump noted that this deal, which he claims “is his largest real estate deal ever” is a win-win for everyone involved. One of the benefits he says he will highlight during a prime time address from the oval office later this evening, will include using the proceeds received by the US from Mexico to 1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now include the length of the eastern border of California, 2) fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states and 3) pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California.

He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of California citizens on US social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than 3 years.
Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the Mexican Congress asking to change his country’s name to MexiCal.

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening’s prime time address include:
California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the State of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or Chicago.

The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to flow more freely between Mexico and the users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the Tijuana border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city’s universities more freely

The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required once the next megaquake hits California.

The space in the Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of California will be fumigated and turned into “time-out rooms” for the press as well as Liberty Centers where US citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the pursuit of economic freedom.

Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the Mexican President’s life miserable and prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

Papers released along with Trump’s statement reveal that a newly incorporated real estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will receive a broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale. An anonymous pmurT, Inc. representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to purchase, develop and convert all abandoned US Federal facilities in California into special high end retreats and resorts which will assist California residents with managing their euphoria and transition into the nanny state they have so long desired to be.

The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under negotiation. Apparently the White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give up California’s wine country and are suggesting that the northern border align with the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the US so that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in California after the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening SSL (Spanish as a second language) schools throughout California. He also noted that funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He also said he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal was in the works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY through Maine, to Canada.

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, “this deal is YUGE and will help Make America, albeit a little smaller, Great Again.

Senior Jokes from Mom

Why I Like Retirement !

Question:
 How many days in a week? 
Answer:
 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree’s bedtime?
Answer: Two hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? 
Answer:
 Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What’s the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don’t retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees, what is considered formal attire? 
Answer:
 Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies? 
Answer:
 They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? 
Answer:
 NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 
Ans wer:
 They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? 
Answer:
 Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What’s the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer:
 If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn’t miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 
Answer:
 He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite…. 
QUESTION:
 What do you do all week? 
Answer:
 Monday to Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’ ’98,’ she replied….
‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented..
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?’ the reporter asked…
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’
The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs

And have fun finding them.

I’ve sure got old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate

Cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind,
Can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
Blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my

Hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember

If I’m 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, I still have my driver’s licence.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor’s permission to
Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and

Down, and perspired for an hour. But,
By the time I got my leotards on,
The class was over

My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It’s scary when you start making the same

Noises as your coffee maker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway, the good fortune

To run into the ones I do, and the

Eyesight to tell the difference.

 

Another Friday . . . Finally

  • 2:00 in the morning, the phone rings. Some dipshit trying to sell some business plan. I swear at him and hang up. 2 minutes later he calls again. I swear at him again and tell him he woke us up and hung up on him again. Blocked his number this time.
  • Cold here. So much nice weather lately, and coming to a weekend it grows cold. We have a BIG ride this weekend to the Round House to present some legislation about distracted driving. That’s tomorrow.
  • Oh yeah, we’ve got wind again. Add that to the cold and my bike stays parked. Gusts up to 60 mph.
  • I guess Erin comes back here today. It now seems that Tori and Will are screwing around with the schedule for this, that, or some other thing. Oh well.
  • Erin will no longer be in Dilia unless Will is there. That’s a good thing. Belle’s health is so poor, that we can’t trust the she’ll survive the weekend.
  • Are you ready for a civil war? The way the left is acting up, it may happen. If it happens, it will happen in the cities or population centers of the country. I don’t think it would have happened any different if another Republican candidate had won the white house, the left is so spoiled in the past 8 years, they refuse to accept change.
  • I just learned that the Santa Fe mayor is planning on running for governor in ’18. That should be an interesting race. Currently he’s pushing a new tax on soft drinks including flavored water, which I drink. It’s important to him that this tax gets brought to a special ballot this year so he can run on the success to help his campaign. At least he’s a realist in this, he knows that he stands no chance of winning without that to boost his campaign. I hope he gets his ass handed to him.
  • Peace