Discretion: Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O’Leary’s apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O’Conner looks around and asks, “Oh, me boys, someone got’s to tell Paddy’s wife. Who will it be?“
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don’t make a bad situation any worse. “Discreet?! I’m the most discreet Irishmen you’ll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.“
Gallagher goes over to Murphy’s house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares, “Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.“
“Tell him to drop dead!“, says Murphy’s wife.
“I’ll go tell him.” says Gallagher.
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Irish Nun Story: The 98 year-old Mother Superior lay dying in an Ireland convent. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last hours comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink but she refused.
Then one of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Jameson’s Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior’s bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had consumed the whole glass.
“Mother,” one nun asked earnestly, “Please give us some wisdom before you leave us.“
The old nun raised herself up in bed and said, “Don’t sell that cow!“
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Irish Business The Best Pub: Three Irishmen are sitting around in a tavern, debating which is the best pub.
The first says, “Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there’s a better one. At MacDougal’s, you buy a drink, then you buy another drink and then MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!“
The second then starts, “That sounds like a nice pub but, where I come from, there’s a better one called Quinn’s. At Quinn’s, you buy a drink, Quinn buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Quinn buys you another drink.“
Then the third pipes up, “You think that’s good? Where I come from, there’s this place called Murphy’s. At Murphy’s, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!“
“Wow!” exclaim the other two. “That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to ye?“
“No,” replies their friend, “But it happened to me sister!“

Irish Foreplay: “Brace yourself, Brigid.“

An Irish Story …  When Alfie Byrne, Lord Mayor of Dublin, met Mae West in Hollywood she said “Come up and see me sometime.” Alfie declined her offer, saying he couldn’t because it was Lent. Not daunted, Mae just looked at him and purred, “Well, when you get it back, come up and see me sometime.“