• We did the banking yesterday. No problem.
• I have an 11:00 meet with Dennis to diagnose the pole light problem. No problem in theory.
• I am doing some prep work for when Dennis gets here. Problem arises suddenly.
• John, a.k.a. Buddha, calls out telling me that someone drove away with the hose from pump #2. Heading south I was told.
• I set all the tools that I was gathering for the electrical work down and run to my Jeep.
• I hit the interstate and floor it. The top speed of this Jeep is 100 m.p.h. Try as I may, I can go no faster.
• I’m heading south at 100 m.p.h. and it dawns on me, I have no idea what type of vehicle is dragging my gas hose down the highway.
• Called Buddha and was told it was an old Winnebago. Damned campers!
• Still cruising at 100 m.p.h. and passing everything on the road like they’re parked.
• Ten miles down the road and still no Winnebago.
• Finally caught up  with the Winnebago and flagged “him” down on the interstate.
• Out steps a 6’2″, sixty year old transexual. “She” started crying on the side of the road when “she” realized what was done.
• I took all the cash he/she had on him/her and gave him/her my card to contact me in the next 3 days about paying the rest of this off as soon as possible.
• I took a picture of the D.L. and R.V. for reference in case I have to file a report and press charges.

Go ahead and tell me that this type of shit happens to you! I dare you! I swear that I must be living on some sort of alternate plane that exists just a shade off of the normal plane that the rest of you inhabit.

• I got the hose replaced. I keep one or two on hand because hoses being ripped off is not uncommon.
• I also keep the breakaway connectors on hand for the same reason.
• Dennis has diagnosed the problem and I ordered the parts I need for the light repair.
• They’ll be here in 2 days. Thank you Amazon Prime.
• Thank you Dennis too. You’re always there to help and I really appreciate your friendship.
• Sitting in the store with Dennis after all of this shit happens, a state cop walks in to the store looking all serious and stuff. He’s looking for me.
• OK, I was driving 100 m.p.h. for some 14 miles or so and someone may have complained to the cops via cell phone. I’m sure I can talk my way out of this.
• He wasn’t here about my driving. He was looking for me. He was working a check fraud case.
• Whew.
• We weren’t the victims this time, our newish check cashing policies saved the day in this case, but the bar across the interstate wasn’t so lucky.
• Alex got hit for about $800 by this team that worked the area.
• Sometimes being a bastard pays off in spades.
• I was able to identify the female of the check kiters, but they had no picture of the guy.