B.S. & Political Ridicule

Ouch! My back is killing me.

And I don’t know why.

Met Dennis at Harley and I did not win the bike. They wouldn’t even let me have an entry. I think I may buy a Yamaha or Kawasaki just to teach them a lesson. I did see some pretty nice bikes though. I’m kinda hooked on the Fat Bob if I weren’t buy some Japanese shit to teach Harley a lesson.

Got home and Henry and I repaired a toilet in the store. My hands smelled like shit and sewage. It took longer than I thought it would. The floor in my building is make of reinforced concrete and it’s very difficult to drill into for the toilet flange. I need to buy a happier drill.

Nina and I are going to Arrow’s Ridge for music and tapas. I’ve like the tapas idea. Mostly I’m not hungry after all the appetizers that are served before each meal. I’m betting this is a big thing for A/R and will be bigger than the meals.

Looks like Tori has a new friend. Brian. She met his mom today. I think it may lead to a relationship or may actually be one now and no one’s telling me. I think he has a deformed head, but it’s just a feeling that I have. He wears a weird hat that he doesn’t take off. See where I’m going with this?

Dennis and I had pizza yesterday at a live/work loft place. Not bad, but now I have to take Nina there.

Well, off to Arrow’s Ridge.

B.S. & Political Ridicule

Gonna win a Harley today

1 Comment

Yep, I figure that I’m due for a change in luck, so at 8:00 I’m off to Santa Fe to win a Harley. Only 274 entries will be allowed, so my odds are better than the lotto, which I play weekly.

I will meet Dennis there too. We’ll walk around, talk to some people, and then I’ll fill in the paperwork to take possession of my new bike. Dennis says it’s a Fat Boy Slim. I know, it’s an oxymoron but I kinda like the name.

Wish me luck.

B.S. & Political Ridicule

From Mom

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that love using words in unique ways, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or  “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

A competition to see who can come up with the best  one is held every year. This year’s winning submission is posted at the end.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the crop:
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Rant

Sucky day yesterday

Every single phone call I received was interrupted by another call or someone asking me a question. During the meeting I was at I turned my phone to airplane mode to keep from receiving any calls. I tried calling Nina during the trip home and couldn’t figure the problem out until I remembered the mode switch.

The meeting went fine, but once again a phone annoyed me. This was a call to the group that was supposed to last 15 minutes that ended up being 45 minutes long. He just talked and talked and talked and wouldn’t shut up. The company he owns is called Internet Honey, which in my mind suits him cause he kept talking like a girl.

If anyone is interested, I have that missing Malaysian Boeing 777 parked out back. Don’t tell the searchers! The passengers and crew all took a  shuttle to the Pojoaque Pueblo casino. I don’t think they’re coming back.

The weatherliars are predicting wetness here again. They’re such douches. “it’s gonna rain, but maybe 50% or more will evaporate before it hits the ground.”

I think it’s safe for me to put my snow plow away. I bet Nancy wishes she could say the same. Still in Fla. guys?

I’m thinking of taking my air miles and using them to go somewhere and just get away from here for a week. Anyone want to join me? I can do business class with all the miles I got now. London because I love that town? Amsterdam for the red-light district? Paris to get spit on by the snooty French? Rome to see the Pope? Hell, I’ll probably will just drive to Chicago next month and see Mom.

Erin left yesterday. Stupid Herns just keep pissing Tori off. I’d tell you what happened but that would just aggregate her.

One of the public shitters backed up yesterday. I was on the phone when this happened too. I just remembered that and didn’t want to edit earlier writings. I then had to hunt down a real mop and mob bucket. MY employees like tiny little mops that are about the size of Q-Tips and just as effective. MY employees like just a plain bucket over a wringer bucket that is more efficient. MY employees are idiots. (Not meaning Andy and Tori.)

Fracking? You guys know what it is? I know my friends out here do, but some of my eastern friends may not know or care. I have the solution to stop fracking. Tax all water in the county enough to make fracking cost prohibitive. Exempt all non-commercial and residential uses. Exempt all agri users too. Hell, exempt all current water uses and it would do the same thing. Fracking is an oil extraction procedure that uses millions of gallons of water to fracture the bedrock in the area around a played out oil well to release the trapped oil.

Maybe today will be a nice day.

B.S. & Political Ridicule

Arrgghhh!

  • Starting at 1:00 this afternoon, I will be sitting in a marketing meeting business meeting.
  • This meeting is scheduled to last for 5 hours. Sounds like fun?
  • Anyone?
  • Since I finally got to see the new pole lights after dark, I need to get brighter bulbs.
  • I mis-ordered and got very weak bulbs instead of the very bright bulbs I intended. Oh well, I can still use the weaker bulbs in the store.
  • I decided to pop for LEDs since they’re supposed to last forever! I hope it works out that way, I hate climbing that ladder to change bulbs.
  • Welcome Susan Kennedy as a member of my blog family.
  • Much thanks to Dennis for all his help yesterday with the lights.
  • Tori, you have to quit giving Erin crack at every meal. Wow, that kid was so full of energy yesterday that I felt like hiding backcountry just to take a quiet nap.
In hotel rooms I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked.  – Jonathan Katz
Jokes

The last kiss (Just beware Dennis!)

Who says bikers aren’t compassionate, tolerant, and understanding?

Back on January 9th, a group of Wadesboro, North Carolina bikers were riding east on Hwy.74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge ..

So they stopped. George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, “Hey Baby…..whatcha doin’ up there on that railin’?” She says tearfully, “I’m going to commit suicide!!”

While he didn’t want to appear “sensitive”, George also didn’t want to miss this “be-a-legend” opportunity either, so he asked ….”Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe…why don’t you give ole George here your best last kiss?”

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that … and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one. After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper, and then says, “Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had! That’s a real talent you’re wasting there, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?”

“My parents don’t like me dressing up like a girl.”

It’s still unclear whether (s)he jumped or was pushed.

I am a husband, father, grandfather, friend, business owner, traveller, Harley rider, citizen, patriot, gun owner, politically eclectic person of strange personal habits. I support police, trust no politicians, and can argue any side of an argument just to amuse myself. People love me or hate me and those that are in-between don't know me.