B.S. & Political Ridicule

And they walk among us

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC.
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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
— Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Ya know, I posted this to my blog and out of habit I reread the posting for errors and I found a butt load of them. This posting had more typos than any other that I’ve posted here. The present hat typed this out needs to be added to the above list. My mom sent this to me, but I know she didn’t type it out.

B.S. & Political Ridicule, Family

Messages to people that read here.

Dennis:
It’s not the breaker. I replaced the wrong breaker first and the problem still happened. Once I realized that problem, I replaced the correct breaker and it’s still happening.

Family & Christina:
Marylou was just carted off in the ambulance. Claims of chest pains and inability to breath were loud and frequent. Ambulance called, checked her out, claimed she was fine, but took her away anyway. Cool!

To All:
Check back here for updates. Same Bat Time, same Bat Channel! (Dating myself, ain’t I?)

Comedy of Errors?

So, Nina and I decide to take separate cars to the hospital. Made sense at the time, right? Probably should have talked about which hospital she was being taken to. Nina headed to Santa Fe and I headed to Las Vegas.

Nina updated me while at breakfast and I waited until I got home to update you all. Surprise surprise, ML has nothing wrong with her. She did not have another stroke, she did not have a heart attack (I knew that was impossible since she has no heart.), and she was breathing fine.

This was all started because Diana, her weekend caretaker, brought her a book on China. She was trying to be nice because ML was reading an old book about China. ML, in her demented thought processes went through the following:

  • Where did this book come from? (Nina) Diana brought it for you.
  • Did she give it to me?
  • Is she expecting it back?
  • Is she trying to sell this to me?
  • That’s it isn’t it? She’s trying to sell this to me!
  • Who does she think she is? (Nina) Oh for Christ’s sake, she just thought you’d like to page through it!

And so on and so on and so on. Nina is a saint, but unfortunately this saint needs to vent and I get to listen to the frustration and anger that ML brings out of Nina. For a while ML seemed to be semi-sane, but then she slowly started to revert to the nazi-gnome figurine that prompted her return to Illinois. I think I’ll have a little chat with her when she gets back home this afternoon.

I hope to have Diana back here too. She needs to see these antics will have no consequence to Diana and that she’s here for the duration.

To summarize the day: Marylou is batshit crazy. Batshit crazy will get her back at a home in Las Vegas, NM. Just saying . . . . .
B.S. & Political Ridicule

Larry (from Mom again!)

LARRY MAY BECOME MY NEW FAVORITE!!!!

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Larry stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Larry?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
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Larry watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter, asked Larry ‘Giving up?’
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The math teacher saw that Larry wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Larry! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Larry quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
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Larry’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’ Larry asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ? ”
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Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Larry asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Larry, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom ….. ‘

B.S. & Political Ridicule

More from Mom

The old fellow in the cowboy hat got a standing ovation.

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population.

It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a “more humane” solution to this issue.

What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive. The males would then be castrated and let loose again.

This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service .

All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said:

“Son, I don’t think you understand our problem here… these coyotes ain’t mating with our sheep… they’re eatin’ them!”

The meeting never really got back to order.

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This is one time our elected leaders should pay attention to the advice of Vladimir Putin…. How scary is that?
On August 04, 2013, Vladimir Putin, the Russian president, addressed the Duma, (Russian Parliament), and gave a speech about the tensions with minorities in Russia:
“In Russia live like Russians. Any minority, from anywhere, if it wants to live in Russia, to work and eat in Russia, should speak Russian, and should respect the Russian laws. If they prefer Sharia Law, and live the life of Muslim’s then we advise them to go to those places where that’s the state law. Russia does not need Muslim minorities. Minorities need Russia, and we will not grant them special privileges, or try to change our laws to fit their desires, no matter how loud they yell ‘discrimination’. We will not tolerate disrespect of our Russian culture. We had better learn from the suicides of America, England, Holland and France, if we are to survive as a nation. The Muslims are taking over those countries and they will not take over Russia. The Russian customs and traditions are not compatible with the lack of culture or the primitive ways of Sharia Law and Muslims. When this honorable legislative body thinks of creating new laws, it should have in mind the Russian national interest first, observing that the Muslims Minorities Are Not Russians.
The politicians in the Duma gave Putin a five minute standing ovation.

If you keep this to yourself, you are part of the problem!
It is a sad day when a Communist makes more sense than our President Barack Hussein Obama…….. but here it is!!!!

B.S. & Political Ridicule

Another funny from Mom.

A smile for your day.

The Department of Defense briefed the President this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan.

To everyone’s surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands,
visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, “Just how many is a brazilian?”

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.

B.S. & Political Ridicule

March already?

  • February seemed to scream by, except for the last 2 days.
  • Our June trip is now a September trip. Don’t ask.
  • I hope to get a trip to Moab or Ouray for some wheeling this spring or summer.
  • I also hope to get to Holland Michigan this summer with Erin.
  • Still looking at motorcycles, but I’m still one the fence.
  • It would be nice to go riding with Dennis, but . . .
  • We had rain the night before last, but just a trace amount.
  • Corruption at APD? Tazers? Jobs? Funny?
  • I talked to Catherine and Nan yesterday. It was nice. I always enjoy talking to each of them.
  • I’m glad the olympics is over. Waste of time.
  • NM politics is my next annoyance.

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I am a husband, father, grandfather, friend, business owner, traveller, Harley rider, citizen, patriot, gun owner, politically eclectic person of strange personal habits. I support police, trust no politicians, and can argue any side of an argument just to amuse myself. People love me or hate me and those that are in-between don't know me.