From Autoguide.com

Well, Marylou sure screwed up our day off. Her complaints of chest pains and difficulty breathing left me excited and Nina angered. Nina saw from the beginning that she was faking. I gotta give her some props, for all the shit that gets tossed her way, she still treats that old bat with a ton of respect. I think she’ll explode sometime in late May. Can’t keep it in that long without some form of explosion happening eventually.

The doctors at St. Victim’s Hospital and Bingo Parlor told Nina that ML was healthy as a horse. The predicted diagnosis of dehydration and malnourishment never were mentioned and that kinda shocked us. We thought she was trying to starve herself to Valhalla to be with her ancestors but she’s fine.

After all was said and done, ML gave Nina permission to wear her grandmother’s rings. I’m going to stop with this amazing offer before I tread on some sacred ground that Nina would rather not see here. Better safe than sorry.

Since she missed her nap yesterday, she went to bed early. Of course she also woke up around 9 p.m. and Nina had to change her and get her some milk. Nina, can I have you bring me milk in bed too? Please?

Didn’t think so.

Other Stuff

The light above the gas pumps went out this weekend. What a pain in the ass this will be to fix.

Texting and driving will be against the law starting July 1st. It’s about time! Stupid practice. I wish to remind my kids that since my name is on your vehicles, I would be very upset if you get caught texting and driving.  <menacing look>VERY UPSET</menacing look> (That’s code for all you normal people.

Since it’s Monday, banking and breakfast is on the agenda for this morning. I plan on napping this afternoon while Nina does the store shopping. For those of you that wonder why I don’t do or help with the store shopping, I can answer that question. We can get all the stuff that Nina gets at Walmart and most of the stuff from Sam’s Club, delivered by Coremark. Nina just love to shop so much that she won’t let us order this stuff from Coremark. Shopping is in her blood and she won’t let me order up a transfusion.

New Mexico is facing shortage of medical pot and that got me to thinking about starting to grow pot, for medicinal purposes only of course, but then they added a foul, vile, dirty word to the mix. NON-PROFIT! Why the Hell would anyone want to grow ANYTHING for zero profit? Stupid pols.

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(On September 17, 1994, Alabama’s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: “I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.”
–Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
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“Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can’t help but cry. I mean I’d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.”
–Mariah Carey
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“Smoking kills. If you’re killed, you’ve lost a very important part of your life,”
— Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
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“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,”
–Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
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“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,”
–Mayor Marion Barry, Washington DC.
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“That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I’m just the one to do it.”
–A congressional candidate in Texas.
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“Half this game is ninety percent mental.”
–Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
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“It isn’t pollution that’s harming the environment. It’s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it..”
–Al Gore, Vice President
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“I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix.”
— Dan Quayle
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“We’ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?”
–Lee Iacocca
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“The word “genius” isn’t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
–Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
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“We don’t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people.”
— Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
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“Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.”
–Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
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“Traditionally, most of Australia ‘s imports come from overseas.”
–Keppel Enderbery
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“If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there’ll be a record.”
— Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Ya know, I posted this to my blog and out of habit I reread the posting for errors and I found a butt load of them. This posting had more typos than any other that I’ve posted here. The present hat typed this out needs to be added to the above list. My mom sent this to me, but I know she didn’t type it out.

I get this stuff off of Facebook. It’s never ending. I think this shit is funny as Hell, even though it’s true.