Daily Archives: March 14, 2014 8:13 pm

B.S. & Political Ridicule

From Mom

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that love using words in unique ways, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish,” or  “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”

A competition to see who can come up with the best  one is held every year. This year’s winning submission is posted at the end.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

Police were called to a day care center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the crop:
Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Rant

Sucky day yesterday

Every single phone call I received was interrupted by another call or someone asking me a question. During the meeting I was at I turned my phone to airplane mode to keep from receiving any calls. I tried calling Nina during the trip home and couldn’t figure the problem out until I remembered the mode switch.

The meeting went fine, but once again a phone annoyed me. This was a call to the group that was supposed to last 15 minutes that ended up being 45 minutes long. He just talked and talked and talked and wouldn’t shut up. The company he owns is called Internet Honey, which in my mind suits him cause he kept talking like a girl.

If anyone is interested, I have that missing Malaysian Boeing 777 parked out back. Don’t tell the searchers! The passengers and crew all took a  shuttle to the Pojoaque Pueblo casino. I don’t think they’re coming back.

The weatherliars are predicting wetness here again. They’re such douches. “it’s gonna rain, but maybe 50% or more will evaporate before it hits the ground.”

I think it’s safe for me to put my snow plow away. I bet Nancy wishes she could say the same. Still in Fla. guys?

I’m thinking of taking my air miles and using them to go somewhere and just get away from here for a week. Anyone want to join me? I can do business class with all the miles I got now. London because I love that town? Amsterdam for the red-light district? Paris to get spit on by the snooty French? Rome to see the Pope? Hell, I’ll probably will just drive to Chicago next month and see Mom.

Erin left yesterday. Stupid Herns just keep pissing Tori off. I’d tell you what happened but that would just aggregate her.

One of the public shitters backed up yesterday. I was on the phone when this happened too. I just remembered that and didn’t want to edit earlier writings. I then had to hunt down a real mop and mob bucket. MY employees like tiny little mops that are about the size of Q-Tips and just as effective. MY employees like just a plain bucket over a wringer bucket that is more efficient. MY employees are idiots. (Not meaning Andy and Tori.)

Fracking? You guys know what it is? I know my friends out here do, but some of my eastern friends may not know or care. I have the solution to stop fracking. Tax all water in the county enough to make fracking cost prohibitive. Exempt all non-commercial and residential uses. Exempt all agri users too. Hell, exempt all current water uses and it would do the same thing. Fracking is an oil extraction procedure that uses millions of gallons of water to fracture the bedrock in the area around a played out oil well to release the trapped oil.

Maybe today will be a nice day.